Shit My Students Say: Speaking Test Edition

It's that dreaded time of year again: Speaking test time!

Me: I am going to America. Could you give me some tips?
Student: Yes, you should bring money, bring your passion, your power and your gun.
Me: Umm...okay?
Student: Lots of passion.

Me: Who is your hero?
Student: My hero is me.
Me: Why?
Student: Because I am Sek-shi (gets up and starts to dance on the chair).

Me: Are you ready?
Student: Teacher I have to tell you something.
Me: Sure, what is it?
Student: I'm lesbian.
Me: Okay, congratulations.
Student: No really.
Me: Oh, well that's okay.
Student: You still like me?
Me: Of course, you're my buddy.
Student: Can we pist (fist) bump?
Me: After you pass the speaking test.
Student: But I tell you secret, you give me an A.


Me: What are you looking forward to?
Student: I am looking forward to make fuck.
Me: What?
Student: Make Fuck.
Me: That is inappropriate.
Student: You said you like fuck.
Me: I would NEVER say that.
Student: Wait (pulls out phone, gets on internet and shows me a picture of chocolate fudge)
Me: Oh, fudge.
Student: Yes, fuck.Same Same.

Me: Describe this photo (shows a picture of Mt. Fuji)
Student: It looks like shit.
Me: Excuse me?
Student: Korea is number 1, Japan shit.
Me: Your best friend is Japanese.
Student: He sometimes shit.

Me:How far is it from your house to school?
Student: About zero kilometers
Me: You don't live at school.
Student: I no leave. I sleep in shed.
Me: What?
Student: Nice to meet you. Bye.

Me: What is your hobby?
Student: My hobby is dating.
Me: Wow, a ladies man.
Student: Forever solo, baby! (blows me a kiss and winks)

Me: What would you like to eat?
Student: Meat.
Me: Remember you must pick a food from a country we studied.
Student: Ah, okay. Italian meat.
Me: Ummm...and how does it taste?
Student: like meat, duh!

Student: Is today the speaking test.
Me: Sure is
Student: Teacher die!
Me: What did you say?
Student: I said Maggie teacher is so beautiful.

Me: What does the idiom "go dutch mean?"
Student: Dutch pay.
Me: And what is Dutch Pay?
Student: My girlfriend steal my wallet and life. That is Dutch Pay.
Me: Smart man!

Me: Tokyo is in Korea.
Student: Sorry, but that's not right.
Me: Good. Why?
Student: Because Tokyo sex pyeontae (pervert) we just prostitute.

These kids crack me up, but I honestly cannot wait for vacation. It is much needed. That being said I'm totally looking forward to another year at my crazy school

The 26 Year Old- What Am I Doing With My Life- Crisis

So recently I haven't been feeling much like myself: I've been making questionable (to say the least) decisions, drinking way more than usual, freaking out about work and sporadically being stressed/confused about my future, all while feeling guilty for having such a great time in Korea. This, of course, is magnified by the fact that I keep reading  lists like " 20 mistakes you will make in your 20's" and shaking my head disapprovingly as I tick every single item off of that list. Which got me thinking- why is this? I suppose 26 is the age where you are beyond your college days, starting a career, but also young enough to not really care much if you drink that extra tequila that the shady guy in the "Duff Beer" costume bought for you. This seems to be the general consensus of many of my friends of the same age. As a result I have compiled a list of things you will do when you're 26 (specific to the people I know and love and commit shenanary with).

26 Things you will do when you're 26: Korea Edition

1) Hopefully travel somewhere just because you can! Traveling for the sake of travel is an amazing feeling.

2) Wake up with the worst hangover of your life.

3) Wake up questioning how in the world you aren't hungover and chalk it up to it being "God's way of saying you were too awesome last night to deal with such f**kery"

4) Be attracted to people younger than you and maybe even some twice your age

5) Alternate between thinking you rock at your job and then question how you were even hired.

6) Make meaningful friendships with people that are based on much more than the fact that you make great beer pong partners (although that is a definite plus).

7) Attend some networking events and pat yourself on the back for successfully passing yourself off as a responsible adult who contributes to society.

8) Either remain way too guarded or date people who are not suitable or even compatible with you.

9) Consistently question what you are doing with your life, spend time feeling a bit of inner turmoil, mull it over and then decide you are simply "being awesome."

10) Realize how much you have changed since you were 22, but not be sure whether that is a good thing or a bad thing.

11) Make ridiculous purchases and spend money that you don't really have.

12) Hook up with people you would have never considered when you knew your "type"

13) Stress about money and your lack thereof, all while pissing it away in the wind and at the pub.

14) Discover things you never knew you were passionate about.

15) Be forced to defend the things you believe in, without even realizing you believed in them so strongly.

16) Have way too many feelings that you have no justification for.

17) Put off making decisions that are more important than "should I go to Hongdae or Itaewon?"

18) Spend a considerable amount of time worrying about how people think of you, before deciding you don't particularly care and unlike when you were 20, this time you mean it.

19) Take some risks that pay off...and a few that don't.

20) Consistently claim you need to "re-evaluate" your life choices with no intention of actually doing so.

21) Realize how important your family are, particularly after being away for so long.

22) Attempt to effectively balance your personal and professional life with minimal stress and effort.

23) Fall in love with a new fad, hobby or diet weekly.

24) Tick off a considerable amount of that bucket list you made when you were twenty one.

25) Begin focusing on your strengths, instead of the weaknesses you used to obsess over.

26) Have the best year of your life!

Thanks to everyone who is contributing to making 26 my best  year yet. Some day I will get everything together, but in the mean time, I'm gonna ride this out and take everything as it comes.

Here's a little love for my folks punching the clock!

Epik Renewal Process

Well folks, after much debate I decided to renew my contract with Epik. I was considering a move to a University so I could use my masters, but I think another year at my school is necessary. I might actually miss them if I left (shhhh, don't tell anyone).

After my open class I figured I was pretty much in the clear...oops forgot I had 2 renewal interviews. The first one was with my principal and couldn't have come as more of a surprise. I had no classes that day, was desk warming and as a result decided to wear some sweatpants with massive Nike high tops and a shirt that said "I Like Doing Hoodrat Stuff With My Friends." It went something like this:

Principal: I heard your lesson went well. Sorry, I could not go. I was at golf.
Me: Oh, that's okay. Thank you.
Principal: Yes, we like you. Do you want to stay?
Me: I like it here, very much.
Principal: Okay so what do you think you have done well at  our school?
Me: I am really proud with the level of proficiency students have reached while I have been-
Principal: Good. What could you improve?
Me: My classroom management skills, I would like to find  a better way to-
Principal: Good. Here are my requests.
Me: Okay.
Principal: Study Korean each-ee day. You like Karaoke?
Me: I love it!
Principal: You sing Billy Joel with me?
Me: Of course.
Principal *starts singing Piano Man*
Co-teacher: *Snaps something in Korean at him*
Principal: Right. Good. *shakes my hand* have a good day.

and off I went...my interview with the vice principal was slightly more formal, but not much. Finally on Thursday my co-teacher came in the room and handed me a paper about my Visa renewal, which would require a health check and mandatory HIV test (yep, apparently foreigners are the only people with HIV). She then presented me with my contract and said, I must send this now. Sign!  So safe to say, this is how I was told I passed my interview! After some discussion with my vice principal I convinced them to give me some time to think it over.

In the end of course, I mulled it over, considered the extra week of vacation, the pay raise, my crazy students,the opportunity to live in such a central area again and of course re-signed all 8 million pages of my contract (or 10). After looking back at my 5 year plan, I wonder how many people came to Korea planning to stay for only 1 year. I know people who say one year turned into 2, into 9 and sometimes into 20. I still have a lot more to do and see and I definitely want to go get my PHD, but in the mean time, I'm pretty content here in Korea.There is something about this place that I still can't explain. After all, that is the point of this blog, so the research continues!

Maggie Moo's 5 Year Plan  Revised To Do List:

1. Learn Korean (finally signed up for class)
2. Actually start saving some money this year (remember just because it isn't US dollars doesn't make it paper to piss away in the wind)
3.Start an advanced online teaching training for certification
4. Travel around Korea more! (Next up: Jeju and Busan).
5. Manage my time better and actually complete all of my lessons before I leave school!
6. Make it to Taiwan and Oceania!
7. Go home and visit my family