Lessons I Would Teach My Daughter

Working in Korea has given me the opportunity to get to know my students quite well and to see them grow up in front of my eyes. Particularly, the young women who I teach and mentor. I hear their fears, their concerns, their failures and their triumphs and we share all of these things on a daily basis. I care for these girls as if they are my own, which got me thinking. Our conversations are not always simple. Sometimes we discuss K-Pop, but quite often the conversation drifts to peer pressure, feminism, sex, sexuality, plastic surgery and all types of ideals I never knew I would be discussing as an English teacher. So many of the values/things I know to be true, came from my own mother and her patience, kindness and desire to make me, not a perfect human being, but the best human being I could be. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized how much she shaped my view of myself and the world. My co-teacher asked me one day "If I had a daughter what would I want her to know by the time she was a woman" so I started a list. Thanks mom for the inspiration!

1. Don't feel obligated to be "feminine," but don't be afraid to embrace your femininity (whatever that means to you)

2. Support other women! Being female can feel like a competition, but life is so much easier/more pleasant when women really look out for each other.

3. Pay for yourself sometimes. Don't always expect your date to do so.You want to be equals, try to do things fairly.

4. Favor humanism over feminism or any other ism that says one group is inherently inferior or superior.

5. Spend some time being single and really getting to know yourself. Take yourself on dates.

6. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about who you are and do things that make you feel beautiful, powerful and intelligent on a regular basis.

7. If you have to work hard to keep the man/woman you are with, you are probably not with the right one.

8. Know how to defend yourself. Not because it is your fault if you are attacked, but because it is a basic right every human has and everyone deserves to feel safe.

9. Make-Up (less is more). That being said, don't feel bad about wearing it.

10. Nothing wrong with pampering yourself every once and a while.

11. No shame in being strong.

12. Your body is your business and others opinions of it, have nothing to do with you. Nor does their opinion matter.

13. Your worth as a human being is not determined by the way you look or what is between your legs, but rather how you treat yourself and others.

14. Just because you are female, doesn't mean you have the right to hit men or anyone for that matter.

15. Heels can be your best friend or your worst enemy...but if you can't walk in them...that's a no go, sister!

16. You have just as much right to be a sexual human being as men do.

17. That being said, respect yourself sexually and demand that same respect from the people you are intimate with.

18. Try a team sport...even if you aren't crazy about it, it will teach you so much about yourself, your loyalties and how to work together.

19. Your highest aspiration in life doesn't have to be a relationship or marriage. There's nothing wrong with these things and whoever you end up with should be your equal and compliment you just as well as you do them, but it is important to have all types of dreams.

20. Love yourself fiercely, more than you think you deserve and more than you know how!

My amazing mother <3

Maggie Moo Does...Jiu Jitsu?

On September 5th, 2013 I made one of the best decisions I have ever made. I decided to try Jiu Jitsu. I know! I can hardly believe it myself. My whole life I have been surrounded by people who say "I can't believe you don't do any martial arts" or "you should try Jiu Jitsu," my father included. It wasn't until a team mate of mine (who had been pestering me for months to try it) used a little reverse psychology and told me "yeah you might not be right for it anyway." And there I was.

My first class was terrifying and exciting, a bit like rolling with my brother as a kid, but less swearing, more focused and restrained and no crying this time. I felt so out of my element. I was used to rugby where I knew exactly what to do. I understood my body and how it worked. I could crash, pass, kick and catch like it was second nature but being aware of all of my limbs and what they were doing as well as my training partner was quite the challenge. "You mean I have to know what my upper half and lower half are doing at the same time?" The struggle was real. Quite early on I was injured and questioned whether I even wanted to continue. Playing rugby, I am no stranger to injuries, but the idea of participating in a sport where people actively try to submit you, causing enough pain to injure you was really nerve wrecking for me. My father promptly reminded me that he hadn't raised a quitter and the higher belts around me, who had been in these same situations before encouraged me to continue. I am so glad that I did.

My first class: The struggle was real....

Just recently I discovered my first (for lack of a better term) asshole on the mat. A person who was way more concerned about looking cool and not being embarrassed by a girl than actually progressing as an athlete. I was able to keep calm and put myself in a place where I didn't feel that I was in any type of danger. This was a huge deal for me. It made me realize that the majority of people I train with are just so ridiculously positive, supportive and genuinely concerned about me, not only as a training partner, but as a person. I never thought I would have the same level of trust or enjoyment with another team, that I experience with my own rugby team. It's refreshing.

Jiu Jitsu has definitely given me much more in the short time I have been training than I ever imagined:

1. Solid training partners and supportive folks who help me progress on my journey.

2. Excellent instructors, particularly, Kris Kim, who is a talented as he is kind and patient.

3. More faith in myself

4. A sense of accomplishment when I finally stick a move I have been working on for weeks.

5. A challenge of trying a sport I am not inherently good at. Rugby has always come rather easy to me and regardless I worked my butt off, but Jiu Jitsu isn't natural for me in the slightest. It takes me longer to learn moves, I forget easily and often can't remember everything I've just learned...which leads me to..

6. Patience with myself.

7. Excellent training for the off season.

8. A constant desire to be better.

9. Proving to myself that I am capable of doing the things that terrify me.

10. Confidence that I can keep myself safe and the feeling that I am in control.

Just recently I took my first Jiu- Jitsu- Cation to Guam where I was able to train at 3 different gyms. In each gym, I discovered the spirit of Jiu Jitsu was so much greater than many other sports I've been involved in. I was never made to feel like an outsider or as if there was an "us" and "them." I was welcomed with open arms and had some of the most successful training sessions to date!

Training with Stephen Roberto at Purebred. Too bad I clearly missed the "Belt Tying" tutorial! Haha

Spike 22 Outdoor Gym

Training at Figo in Guam

In February I will be heading to Madison & Dubai to train and I genuinely cannot wait. I think I may have found something I love just as much as rugby and more importantly, something that constantly challenges me to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be. Interested in BJJ in Seoul? Here are a few links!

Korea Jiu Jitsu Facebook Group
Kris Kim BJJ