Smooth as a baby in a...jimjilbang

Last weekend after a a super cold and rainy day of rugby, my team and I decided to go to a Jimjilbang (public bath house) in Korea. Now, these are still a bit of a strange concept for me. Basically it is a place (separated by sex) where people go to shower, climb in hot tubs, pools, clean themselves and just generally spa it up. When we got in we were given tiny orange towels, not even big enough to cover one of my butt cheeks. We then got naked, put our clothing in the lockers and paraded past all the old Korean women to make our way to the public showers. First you clean off and then jump into a spa tub.

The tub we chose was full of a yellowish light brown water, but I would like to think it was a tea treatment (at least that's what I'm telling myself). We all climbed in and awkwardly splashed around a bit before moving to a much hotter tub. I normally have no issues with nudity and I am pretty open and up for being in my birthday suit on a regular basis...but this was odd. Being foreign and having tattoos made me a double target as old Korean women walked by gawking, I slowly sank under the water. Playing rugby has made me no stranger to ridiculous naked team mates of all shapes and sizes, so I imagine we were pretty much all in the same boat.

I decided I needed to get the full experience and popped out of the pool, stark naked to make my stride of pride over to the "skin scrubbing" station. At this station, old Korean women with very small bras and underwear, lay you down on a table and proceed to scrub every inch of your body. An old women slapped the table and poured a very hot bucket of water all over me. She then took two rough mits, put them on her hands and proceeded to rub my skin raw, within an inch of my life. She twisted and turned me for what was the most hysterical language mis-communication I have ever had. I couldn't understand her directions so I slid around the table, naked, falling in each direction until she moved me to my proper placement. She scrubbed my breasts, arms, thighs, legs and arm pits, reserving her judgmental scrubbing for the areas where my tattoo's were placed. Something tells me she was not fan! She paid extra attention to my butt, scrubbing diligently at one area, until I told her it was my birthmark. She then proceeded to throw a 3rd bucket of hot water over me, reminiscent of Chinese water torture before smacking my back and legs. Again, I must ask where in the world this is considered pleasurable. When I was finished, she slid me off of the table so I quite literally rolled on the floor as she directed me to the public showers and cleaned the table for her next victim.

When I emerged my skin was so soft and clean that it squeeked! Very impressive. Well played, Korea!