Leaving My Guilt in America

You'll have to excuse the fact that this post doesn't have much to do with Korea, other than perhaps a bit of relief, anxiety and guilt about how I feel about leaving America.

In light of recent events I just felt I needed a space to make sense of my thoughts, if you will, clear my head.

The second I open a paper these days, check out BBC or log onto any form of social media- I can expect to see a tragedy, something sad, something that moves me and often I try not to let these things affect me.I am very sensitive, passionate and dare I say, hyper affected by the things I read and see, particularly human suffering. It is both a blessing and curse.

The shooting in Colorado gave me that feeling I am becoming all too familiar with: my chest became tight, my head under water- a bit dazed and dizzy like you feel after sitting out in the sun all day or  holding your breath a few seconds longer than you should.I succumb to a sense of juvenile helplessness and a need to be told that everything is safe and fine. I immediately am taken back to gym class in 2001, September 11th. I just wanted to pick teams and play dodgeball, not watch the world change overnight. Except this time, instead of impatiently waiting for dodgeball to begin- I am celebrating a new career path, a big move to a foreign county and the prospect of making my travel writing a life long reality. I don't know how to feel. I am leaving America in less than 3 weeks, again. Why do I keep leaving if I love it so much? And I wonder why I feel so guilty. I don't think the guilt is mine. It's shared or maybe just misguided. I dont know what we are or where I fit anymore. We have become a gun culture. More than that we have accepted this violence as normalcy, this non-caring as the standard. We have also become a country that both bullies and fears and frankly I am terrified. It scares the shit out of me.

I hate to admit that sometimes I am afraid to live in my own country, sometimes my shadow casts me off. I find myself looking over my shoulder much more here, taking too familiar routes and settling in, in a way that makes me feel stuck and stagnant. It is this same familiarity that I love. It is the predictability, but it is also the people. We have an undeniable need to know why, to ask questions, but we also have a stubborn sense of pride that says we need to place the blame before we fix the problem. Maybe we are so far gone that there are no solutions. We come together as a people time and time again, when encountered with tragedy. We grieve, we feel and we understand each other on a level that we have never taken the time to understand one another on before. We forget the ideas that tell us our warmth and compassion betray us, and momentarily we are the same. I get a brief glimpse of the brilliance of the people, but also the pride I hope to feel again.I love this. And I really do love America. I love America, not for what it is, but for what I know it could be. I just hope that someday I will find myself back here and be able to sincerely call it home. I desperately want that.

How I Feel About The Process..

Since everyone in the process seems to be stressing a bit, I thought I'd put together/collect some memes to make you smile! :)

When You Start Discussing Kimchi

When People Are Panicking About The Process

When Applicants Make You Paranoid By Telling You Horror Stories About The Process

When One Applicant Repeatedly Reminds You How Far Ahead Of You They Are in The Process!

When I Finally Received My Apostilled CRC

When I Was Done With My Application and Documents

Waiting For News On My Epik Placement

When I Found Out I Passed My EPIK interview

When You Find Out One Of Your Documents Is Done Incorrectly And Has To Be Sent Back

When People Tell Me Korea is Dangerous

When My Documents Safely Arrived in South Korea

Thanks to When Obama Endorsed  and Great Day To Be An Athlete for the awesome memes!

BBoys and Business

So close to having all of my documents completed! Exciting! CRC is on it's way back and will be sent overnight to be apostilled through Pro-Ex, My masters degree (which I had to send to the UK) is already on it's way back to me and should be here thursday  Also, my final set of UK transcripts arrived! Woo Hoo! Looks like I should have everything I need here by Friday.

So in the meantime I'm gonna lay back and enjoy some Korean BBoy Action!

 

Jinjo Crew. I'm pretty much in love!

Goals Before Korea

Alright, I figured it might be wise to set a few goals before Korea.
1) Learn how to use chopsticks much more proficiently, start eating with them regularly

Otherwise I'll be stuck using these

2)Stick to my Korean class and learn basic conversational Korean....I may even get Rosetta Stone

3) Never in my life thought I would say this, but- lose 10 pounds so I can actually find and fit into Korean clothing.I'm an advocate for the thick ladies, but I think the average size in Korea is a size 2...wow.

4) Get a head start on paying my student loans

welcome to the real world!

5)Get used to paying with cash

6)Acquire more dress clothes/blazers (although my friend Sammy says the shoulder pads are gross, haha)

7)Get a good quality camera like the Nikon 1, J1 for traveling

8) Get some sample lesson plays together

9) Start phasing out good Wisconsin cheese because it will be harder to find

Not quite the same, is it?

10)Become more adventurous with trying new foods

Not sure I'm brave enough for the blind taste test, platter yet

Korea: And So it begins

So this is it! After months of trying to decide which country I would go to (New Zealand and Fiji, being my top two choices) I stumbled upon Korea. I had researched and applied to a few positions in Japan and was offered one, just outside of Tokyo (which I turned down). After chatting with teachers abroad, researching the perks and reading up on the history...I think I am in love with the Land of the Morning Calm. Here are a few reasons:
1) Kimchi

Delicious, spicy cabbage!! Can't get enough!

 
2) K-Pop

Korean pop is definitely a guilty please and the wonder girls are fab! Thanks TJ!

3)Hiking

With trails like this who wouldn't get into hiking?

4)Korean Men

Really? Need I say more!?

5) ESL Jobs

The ESL job market in Korea is fantastic and offers great perks!

6)Traditions

Tol (1st birthday) is the cutest tradition ever!

7) Technology

Creators of Samsung and LG. So much innovative technology.

8)Seoul

Will I be a Seoul sister in Korea?

9)JeJu Island

Korea's tropical Paradise